


Don't Go

by overcastskeleton



Series: Wolfstar [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-04
Updated: 2017-09-04
Packaged: 2018-12-23 23:42:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12000387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/overcastskeleton/pseuds/overcastskeleton
Summary: A little look into the night Sirius and Remus spent together before Sirius left to find Peter.





	Don't Go

**Author's Note:**

> All the angst.

**Remus Lupin:**

I paced the front room, running my shaky fingers through my coarse hair. Outside of my warm house, a storm raged, brought on by the dementors of Azkaban.

Lightning lit up the pale walls of the house and a sudden clap of thunder made me jump. I pulled the curtains aside and stared out into the night, chewing my bottom lip anxiously.

A cold chill ran down my spine as a decayed figure was illuminated by another flash of lightning. The dementor fixed it’s unforgiving gaze on me and I dropped the curtain suddenly as paralyzing fear threatened to knock me over.

They swarmed the skies, searching for a man they believed to be guilty of a crime he did not commit. I knew that he was innocent, most of the Order knew as well, but the rest of the wizarding world was convinced that Sirius Black was a cold-hearted killer and the one personally responsible for the death of the Potters. They thought he had been a spy for the Dark Lord the whole time, but I knew who the real spy was.

The last time I had seen Sirius, had been that fateful Halloween night. Dumbledore had given us the night off for a much needed rest. A few Butterbeers in, we had gotten Dumbledore’s message and by that time...it was too late. Sirius, having been unable to take Harry, disappeared into the night.

 _That_ was three days ago.

I sent several messages via patronus, and Sirius had the nerve to ignore all of them. I hadn’t heard a word from him, or a single shred of evidence from the Order on the subject of his whereabouts. The whole world had their eyes open for him, yet nobody knew where he was.

I pulled back the curtain again and caught a glimpse of my reflection in the rain-speckled glass. I hadn’t gotten a wink of sleep in over 72 hours, and it showed. My eyes were bloodshot and the pale skin underneath was blotted with purple bruises. My sweater was rumpled and decorated with various mystery stains from days without a shower.

“God, Sirius, I hope you’re not out there doing anything stupid.” I sighed and let the curtain fall back into place.

There was a loud crack behind me. I turned just in time to see Sirius appear.

“Sirius!” I hissed, catching the drunk man as he tumbled into the table. I lowered him down onto the loveseat and sat beside him.

He looked up at me, grey eyes wide. “Remus.” He pulled me towards him, his cold fingers twisting into my hair. “Thank God, you’re alright.”

“Me?” I pulled him away and looked over him. “You look like hell. Where have you been? I was worried sick! The government is looking for you, Millicent Bagnold wants your head, they’ve let the dementors out of Azkaban-”

“I know,” Sirius said calmly.

“I haven’t heard from you in three days. The whole world thinks you killed the Potters. I didn’t know whether you were alive or if the dementors had gotten to you. You could have been dead and I would not have known. I would have never forgiven myself if something had happened to you and I hadn’t gotten to say goodbye-”

Sirius pulled me to him and pressed his lips to mine. He tangled his fingers into my sweater. My heart fluttered in my chest at the feeling of his calloused fingers running up and under my jumper, touching the skin of my hip.

I pushed him back. “No, no you don’t get to do this.”

“Do what?” Sirius asked, a seemingly innocent smile on his face.

I scoffed. “You disappeared for three days, Sirius, _three days_ . I thought you might have been captured, or worse, _dead_. And then you apparate in here and kiss me like nothing is wrong! Like we weren’t just in a war, like you’re not on the run!” My voice cracked as my eyes filled with tears. “Like- like Lily and James didn’t just die!”

Sirius’ face drooped, he seemed to age twenty years in half a second. “You’re right,” he said sullenly. “I’m sorry.” He opened his arms to me. “Come here.”

I leaned against him, burying my face into his shoulder. He rubbed my back and pressed a kiss to the top of my head. I breathed in deeply, finding solace in the outdoorsy smell that clung to Sirius.

“I’m gonna clear my name,” he said determinedly, “and then you and I will raise Harry together, in some posh house on the countryside. We’ll get the happily ever after we deserve, because we fought damned hard for it.”

It was a nice thought, I’ll admit. Living in an out-of-the-way home with Sirius, away from all the chaos and the reality of the war.

“Somewhere far away from all of this mess.” Sirius concluded. “So far off the grid, Dumbledore will never be able to find us.”

I snuggled deeper into Sirius’ side. “That’ll be a feat.”

“Yeah, well we deserve it. Even Albus has to admit that.” Sirius rubbed my arm.

I sighed. “It’s a nice dream.”

“It’ll be a reality, once I find that slimy son-of-a-bitch Peter and make him pay,” Sirius vowed.

I looked up at him, his brow was pulled down in determination. “What are you planning to do Sirius?”

“Clear my name. You said Bagnold wants my head. Well, what if I deliver the head of Peter Pettigrew instead?” Sirius snarled, lip curled up in a sneer.

I sat up, searching his eyes for any hint of insincerity. “You can’t be serious? You can’t do that, it’s a terrible idea. You’ll get caught.”

“What else am I supposed to do, Remus?” Sirius yelled, the sudden inflection in his voice made me jump. “He killed my best friends! He framed me for it!”

“You could turn yourself in,” I suggested. “You could plead innocent. You’d have a trial on Veritaserum, your name would be cleared.”

Sirius stood to his feet, accidentally knocking me off of him. “And then what? Peter goes to Azkaban? He gets to live out the rest of his life, even though he took the lives of others? That’s not what he deserves! That’s not what Lily, or James or Harry deserves.” He paced, dirty boots leaving mud prints on the carpet.

“What about what _I_ deserve?” I stood, standing up to face him.

Even though I stood a full head shorter than him, Sirius took a step back. I barely ever raised my voice.

“Sirius, there are dementors out there! You are Undesirable No. 1! Half the wizarding world is looking for you!” I raised my hands in exasperation. “You will get caught, and they will not be forgiving when they find you.”

Sirius locked his jaw, his nostrils flared as he considered my position. “So you’re telling me to just lie on my back.”

“If you’re gonna fight, then fight smart.” I looked down at my feet. “I can’t take another three days without knowing if you’re alright. You can turn yourself in, you can get Veritaserum, you can get justice for James and Lily. And then you can come home to me, where you belong.”

He looked at me, indecision etched deep onto his face.

“Please, Sirius,” I pleaded, looking up at him.

After a moment of silence, he reached towards me, untwisting my hands from my sweater. “This isn’t how I planned our reunion to go.” He touched his palm to my face. “I don’t want to argue with you.”

I leaned into his touch. “I don’t want to argue with you either. But I can’t lose you again. Not after I’ve lost James and Lily and Peter- yes!” I interjected at Sirius’ noise indignation. “He was my friend!”

“You won’t lose me, Remus.” He ran his thumb over my cheek.

I covered his hand with mine. “In the morning, you and I can go to the Ministry headquarters and make this right.”

“No,” Sirius said abruptly. “I have to go alone.”

My face fell into a pout, without even thinking about it.

Sirius chuckled and kissed my pouty lips. “I’m not trying to exclude you, love. But if we go together, they’ll think  we were working together. I don’t want you getting mixed up in this.” His voice took on a hard edge.

For a brief moment, his eyes were stony, before taking on their usual jovial look once more.

Something in his tone made me not want to argue. Instead, I took a step closer to him and examined the cuts on his face.

“What have you been doing?” I traced a finger over a large gash on his cheek. “Running through bushes?”

Sirius looked down at me a little guiltily. “Sort of. I spent many nights as a dog in an effort to stay hidden.”

“Well, you look like it.” I touched his bruise lip lightly.

He flinched away from my touch. “ _Ow_!” He whined.

“I could heal them if you want.” I turned, looking for my wand.

Sirius grabbed my wrist and pulled me back to him. “No, I rather like it when you take care of me.” He smirked.

“Well, at least let me clean them.” I pushed his shoulders lightly.

Sirius sat on the sofa and removed his ripped jacket. “I’ve got a nasty cut on my chest, do you want me to take my shirt off?”

It was an innocent question, but the suggestive lilt in his voice made me blush as if he shamelessly asked for a handjob.

“Um.” I coughed and pulled the collar of the sweater away from my throat. “Whatever you think you need.” I grabbed a washcloth and a bowl of soapy water.

Sirius grinned and unbuttoned his shirt. “Well, we wouldn’t want it to get infected right?” He shrugged the shirt off.

I turned to him. He was now lounging on the couch, inspecting the damage.

“You’re more banged up than I thought.” I knelt beside him and dipped the rag into the water. “What were you doing for the last three days?” I dabbed along the angry red, mark.

Sirius hissed between his teeth and clenched his jaw. “Running mostly. And when I wasn’t on the run I was looking for leads on the whatever hole Peter was hiding in.”

I cleaned the blood from the gash. “Good news is, it’s not infected.”

“Yay,” Sirius said through gritted teeth.

“Bad news is, your cut’s reopened.” I wiped at the cut on his cheek. “You’re gonna have to take it easy for a little while. Or you could just let me heal it.” I dropped the rag into the bowl.

He shook his head. “I’m gonna milk this for all it’s worth. Now come up here and give me a kiss.”

“Why don’t you come down here yourself?” I teased.

Sirius pointed to his chest. “I’m hurt remember.”

I rolled my eyes and shifted so I was leaning over him. “Is this what you wanted?”

“Very much so.” He grinned and leaned his head forward, indicating that he expected me to close the distance. “God I love when you’re on top.”

“You’re always such a baby when you’re sick or hurt.” I pressed my lips to his own.

Sirius smiled and ran his fingers through my hair. His other hand twisted in the collar of my sweater. “Maybe so, but you love it.” He pressed his lips to my jaw. “You know, all those nights I spent using the ground for a bed and a rock for a pillow, I couldn’t help but miss sleeping next to you.” He kissed my neck.

“That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me the entire night.” I grinned down at him.

Sirius nipped my jaw. “Sleeping next to you, and waking up to your pretty lips wrapped around my-”

“And you ruined it.” I pulled away, much to his disappointment. My eyes scrunched up as my mouth stretched into a yawn. I stretched my arms into the sky as exhaustion swept through me.

He watched me with amused eyes. “When’s the last time you got some sleep?” He ran his thumb over the purple bags under my eyes.

“Three days ago,” I admitted sheepishly. “I’ve been waiting for you.”

Sirius shrugged. “I’m here now.” His body moved under mine as he stretched out, his mouth forming an O as he yawned. “No time like the present.” He sat up with a little difficulty.

I helped Sirius down the short hall into the tiny room we liked to call our bedroom. Well, bedroom might have been too lavish a term for it, it was more of an over-glorified broom closet.

Sirius groaned in slight discomfort as he laid back onto the lumpy mattress. “Can you hand me a some sweats?” He asked, slowly unlacing his boots.

“Here.” I tossed a pair to Sirius and peeled off my grimy sweater and replaced it with one of Sirius’ graphic tees. “Wow, I could take a thousand showers.” I dropped the stained fabric into the hamper and pulled on a pair of Sirius’ sweats and rolled the cloth several times around my ankles.

When I turned around, Sirius had changed and was lying under the blanket. He opened his arms with a smile. “Come here.”

I crawled into bed beside him, resting my forehead on his bare chest. His arms wrapped around my waist, fingers rubbing small circles on the skin of my lower back. I sighed at his touch and he pressed a kiss to my forehead.

“I love you,” Sirius said suddenly.

I looked up at him with an eyebrow raised. Sirius was never the...forgive me...serious, lovey type. His usual confession of love was cheeky and usually happened before a mischievous sexual endeavor or after one to keep me from yelling at him.

“Why so sappy?” I questioned.

Sirius glanced down at me, a playful smile on his face. “I wasn’t being sappy. Just telling you how I feel.”

I pecked his lips quickly. “I love you too.” I pressed my face into the crook of his neck and shoulders. “I missed you,” I mumbled into his skin.

“I have been told that the absence of my presence has been known to cause feelings of longing,” Sirius replied sleepily, holding me closer to him.

I closed my eyes and wrapped a leg around his waist.

Sirius sighed contentedly, looking down at me with heavy-lidded eyes. “This would be so much better if we were naked.”  

“Goodnight Sirius,” I mumbled and hugged him closer.

Sirius’ chest rumbled as he chuckled. “Goodnight Remus.”

 

**Sirius Black:**

I looked down at the man curled up tightly against my side. Remus’ breath hit my neck in little puffs as he snored quietly. I ran my hand through his feather soft hair and played with the short strands.

As cliche as it was, Remus looked younger like this. His face was relaxed, the usual worry lines that seemed to be etched on his face had smoothed over. Remus’ lips parted and he mumbled something in his sleep.

I could stay here forever, watching him rest. He didn’t do that often enough for his own good. He was always running around, worrying about other people; I had to admit a good chunk of his energy was spent worrying about me.

That’s why the very thought of carrying out my plan, of possibly causing Remus another thousand sleepless nights, pained me. It wasn’t my first choice, but I know what I needed to do.

I shifted out from under Remus. He mumbled at the loss of contact and pulled the blanket around him tighter.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered and kissed his forehead. I got dressed quickly, pulling my well-worn jacket over my shoulders. I pulled a neatly folded piece of paper from the inside pocket of my jacket and set it on the pillow beside his head.

I looked over my shoulder one more time before I left the room. Remus was now lying on his stomach, arms stretched out across the bed.

“I love you,” I mumbled and left the room.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. There was a loud crack and a breezy feeling. When I opened my eyes, I was standing inside the broken down walls of the Shrieking Shack.

But I was not alone.

“I was expecting a visit from you.” The man said, seeming to melt out of the shadows.

I pulled my wand out. “ _Lumos_ ,” I mumbled and turned, letting the light shine through the small area. I took in his appearance, the long billowing robes, the neatly parted white hair. “Dumbledore.”

His smile was grim. “I should turn you in, you know.”

“I’m not guilty,” I said plainly. “Remus can place me at home with him, the whole night.”

Dumbledore studied me. “If you have an alibi, then why not clear your name?”

“Because there’s only one way adequate justice can be served.” I stared back at him. “And I know what I need to do to make this right.”

“He who seeks vengeance must dig two graves; one for his enemy and one for himself,” Dumbledore mused and his gaze softened.

I dropped my eyes to my feet, unable to hold his pity-filled look. “I just need you to do something for me.”

He smiled. “Helping a wanted criminal, that’s a first.”

“I want you- need you- to look after Remus. Whatever happens tomorrow, it’s gonna kill him inside. Just check up on him, make sure he’s taking care of himself.”

“There is, of course, a way to avoid all of this-”

I shook my head. “I have to do this, it’s what James would have wanted,” I said with determination.

Dumbledore regarded me and nodded. “I won’t be able to talk you out of this, so I’ll leave you with a warning. If you’re going to do this, you must accept the consequences. I could have advocated for your innocence, but murder is something the council will not forgive. Are you sure you’re ready for that?”

“I have to do this.” I said, trying to disguise the shakiness in my voice.

Dumbledore took a step towards me and put his hand on my shoulder. “No, you don’t.”

I took a deep breath and stepped away from him. “Take care of Remus for me. Take care of my godson.”

“Sirius-”

“ _Nox_.” The loud crack of my disapparition interrupted whatever words he was about to say. 

 

**Remus Lupin:**

I rolled onto my side, rubbing the exhaustion out of my eyes. “Sirius.” I reached across the small bed and found nothing but cold, empty sheets.

The eerie silence of my flat had woken me up the next morning. There was no rain pattering on the roof, the thunder had fallen silent. But the most obvious change, was the lack of muttered curses as Sirius stumbled around the house half-asleep. He was not the most graceful human being, and there were many mornings- almost every morning- where he would wake me up with a steady stream of curse words from a self inflicted injury.

“Sirius!” I called louder, sitting up.

No answer.

I glanced around the room, my disoriented eyes landed on a folded paper on the pillow beside me. My name was written on it in Sirius’ rushed handwriting. I unfolded the crinkled paper and smoothed it out on my knee.

It read:

_Dear Remus,_

~~_I had to leave you for your own good, because I am incredibly sexy and did not want to hurt your eyes._ ~~ _No, fuck, okay._

_I’m sorry. I know those two words are probably the last things you want to hear right now. Questions like, ‘Why would you do this?’ And ‘What are you thinking?’ are probably more prevalent to you at the moment. Right now, as I write this letter, I’m sitting outside of Godric’s Hollow, staring at our friends’ house. It shouldn’t be this empty, it shouldn’t look that cold. But it is, our friends are dead and I could have prevented it. I was supposed to be the Secret Keeper, but I was too scared. So I told them Peter should do it, he seemed innocent, and I was so reckless. I didn't want that weight on my shoulders. At the time, I thought I was doing the right thing, but now I realized that they’re dead because I was a coward. That’s why I’m doing what I have to, to make this right._

_By the time you read this, I’ll have already left. I didn’t tell you what I planned to do, because I knew you would try to stop me. You were always the reason that contrasted my carelessness. I know you’re mad, but I know more than that, you’re hurt. I had to right this wrong. And as I sit staring at this broken home and all the hopes and dreams that surrounded it, I’m encouraged in my path._

_I love you, Remus. Don’t look for me, I’ll be long gone by the time you read this. I didn’t want to leave you the way I did, but I wanted you to have one last good memory of me. I really truly love you, and I will see you again soon._

_Yours Forever,_

_Sirius_

My tears landed on the paper, smudging the ink in various places. I wiped at my eyes with the back of my hand.

“Sirius, no.” I read the letter again and again, the meaning finally sinking into me.

He was gone, he was going to confront Peter. He was going to be caught and thrown into Azkaban and I would never see him again. He had traded our future away for an act of vengeance.

I screamed in frustration, anger and pain and threw the paper aside. A tidal wave of emotions swept through me, threatening to drown me. I buried my face into the pillow Sirius had rested on only hours before and cried until my face was blotchy and my eyes hurt.

I was angry, so angry he gave up everything we worked for. But I was _so_ hurt that he left me.

He left me alone.

**Author's Note:**

> So the ending is kind of abrupt, but I'm thinking of making a part two 12 years later. Let me know what you think.


End file.
